Sunday, January 23, 2011

‎Through strength I found love In time I found myself in happiness

Cautions Changes ahead! 

As I about to make some pretty major changes to my life. I am excited about these changes so it is time to share...Also the fact i am Procrastinating from doing all the things I should be doing...  Housework, returning emails, sorting photos. While it is scary to think about how much I will miss everyone especially my family. I am so comfortable with this decision to uproot my life and move overseas. I felt like I belonged over there and I was finally at peace which I have searched and longed for soooo long. I hope I have that same feeling when I go back to San Francisco in a few weeks.

So you may ask what I am about to do?  I want to be a tour director exactly like the tours I did. Everyone that I have told has gone OMG that is so you. While I am not a show pony far from it and I am really going to struggle with that side of it because I know some of you will find this hard to believe but I am actually really shy around people I don’t know.  I think this is the one thing I can finally say … I really know what I want to do with my life. I have always wanted to work in Tourism since I was teenager but never been able to break into what I wanted to do. Or settle on one thing and go that is what I want.  I have seen a tour done extremely well and not so well with the delicate balance of too much talking with too much information. While I want my initial starting point to be Canada or USA but I will want to eventually to move onto Europe and South America and maybe eventually come back to Australia.
Call it selfish but I have nothing holding me here, no full time job, no relationship, no kids just a whole lot of family and friends who I love and I hope who love me back.  So now it is a good time to make this change.  Thank god for the redundancy is all I can say or I wouldn’t be able to make this happen.  While my current bosses really want me to stay … it simply isn’t going to happen. I have lost the passion for it… while I am very good at doing at my job… the inspiration is not there. This is a hard truth to confront considering how much time and money I invested into studying. While I had my niggling thoughts along the way in my mind going I don’t think this is right choice for you…but didn’t find anything else to really inspire me.
Quite a few people have remarked how happier and how much more settled I have been in the past few weeks. It is funny that it is actually very true for once. It is not a facade or brave face. It is good to tell people that I am doing it especially when you consider the indecision I was facing the bomb hit; like when former work colleague was talking to me a few days after the bomb hit and he was trying to talk me into making the leap and he didn’t think I would do it…  It was a proud moment when I told them during the week that I was making it happen.

Even my counsellor was really happy with the progress she has seen in me because I made the decision to go back after dealing with the redundancy and post trip blues I was worried it was going to become too much for me again. But I have surprised even myself because once I made the decision just after New year’s how lighter and happier I felt.  I am so excited to be making the change. She was even brave enough to ask about "him" and was surprised at how well I handled it. No longer cringing, no longer thinking how I miss him.  Now I just miss a location :( 
My only fear is that I won’t make it happen - like the trip in 2009 and then I looked like an idiot.  So I don’t want egg on my face and need to make this happen. Given how much money I am investing in this it is a scary thought and so it makes me even more determined. While I will be doing this on a very tight budget I still hope to have an awesome time in San Francisco.   

While my first preference is Canada I would be very happy with an NYC base so I can experience more of that amazing city.  I loved NYC and still miss it every single day. I can now watch movies and go … I have been there, I love that feeling.

While I would be happy with 6 months working overseas and then maybe back to Australia for the occasional tour and see the family I would love to use over there as a base to Europe, South America and experience more of life.  So long as the bills are paid and there is money in the bank to play with I will be happy. It is not about buying a better TV, Car etc it is about experiencing what life to has offer in different cultures along with passing that enjoyment onto everyone else.  It is so much cheaper to travel from the Americas than Australia so I could very easily spend the off season exploring. 

While this is taking a enormous effort in terms of putting aside my insecurities and bravely face the challenge of moving a life overseas. I can't just sit anymore and wish... I need to do as I have "wished" for too long. I need to get more comfortable with me and learn to "like" me god forbid even "love"... This is something I have always battled with from a kid especially in my teenage years. Now I need to push myself so far from my comfortable zone to make it happen which is the biggest struggle of all. I can only pray and hope I pull it off.  

So all I need to do now is get through the tour directing course and find myself a job over there so I can begin the visa process.  Fingers and Crossed big time!  


  1. That is fantastic, Eileen! I envy your freedom, determination and openess to change.

  2. Believe me Blythe ... This is taking massive courage to do this. I lead a very quiet and boring life and never taken a risk like this... The reality I can't live like that anymore. It was doing my head in.. Thank you for your lovely comment

  3. Amazing! Pretty much the same place I was in a few months ago. It's such an exciting time for you! Simply amazing!

  4. Good on you Eileen. I love it when people find what they really want to do and go for it!!!! wishing you all the bestest luck ever:) kate

  5. Thanks Rayme... you guys have helped you know that right? Inspired me that I can do it ... I think it is amazing what you have done.. xoxoxo

  6. Thank you Kate... everyones love and support has helped so keep it coming :)