Sunday, April 15, 2012

Week 15 | Marriage

This is a photo of my Nana and Pop who I never knew.  My nana was married for about 30 years before she lost her beloved.  They were married in 1932 in Melbourne.  The dress is amazing and something I would consider that I would wear if I made it down a aisle. 
She never remarried when she lost him in the 60’s and I remember asking my mum why she never remarried and she said my nana married her soul mate.  Her beloved aggie was her life and love.  They had 3 children and my mum was the youngest.  They had a fairly idyllic childhood growing up close to family and the extended family.  My dad always called nana mum because she was that kind of person.

Their marriage is something I think I will always aspire too if I ever go down that path.  I am at the age now where I don’t think I would.  He would have to be a pretty exceptional person for me to consider that.  I think my wanderlust is simply too great and I would need someone to balance that out. Not many people in this world are like that.  Also I don’t think I am strong enough still for that.  Break a heart too badly and it may never repair. 

My parents’ marriage is strong and solid and they love each other so much gives me something to aspire too and are heading towards their diamond wedding anniversary.  They have done it hard with dad away for most of the early years along with a large family. My dad has had the pleasure of walking down the aisle my older sister has been married for almost 10 years, the next oldest has been married for 12 years.  With most of us unmarried but either single or in long term relationships with kids, I am definitely the odd one out in my family but I am ok with that. 

I have always felt that I don’t fit … the black sheep but there was a time when I dreamed and hoped that I would marry.  First with my first true love C, my best friend and the person that really knows me.  He is no longer in my life but for the past four years since he stopped all contact I miss him and that friendship.  

More recently 3 years ago the one that I thought wow this is the one.  I hadn’t really felt that since C.  I had made up mind that he was the one, he was the last man that I would be with, and the man that I thought would love me and support me through everything.  But it was not to be…  I have never really talked about this and won’t.  But love and Ego can’t exist together.  

So my marriage will be to travel and to myself… my next love the new adventures that await, the mountaintops I get to breathe the pure air in and feel alive again.  My marriage to myself where I will promise to love, cherish and honour...  I will work hard to love myself, to cherish myself and honour my values.  

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