Happy Mothers Day

Happy mother’s day to all the mothers I know. You all rock. And to my own mum..... My Mum has made me laugh.....Wiped my tears .....Hugged me tight..... Watched me succeed..... Saw me fall... Cheered me on..... Kept me going strong..... And..... reminded me that I am loved and valued in this world, Drove me a little crazy at times.....But my Mum is a friend forever! If you can't in honour of your mum, when can you?!

Above is a status that I have reposted from one of my FB friends.  It thought out of all the Mother’s Day Status’s it was the most appropriate. 

The photos are some shots that I have taken this weekend with family here from Sydney and me volunteering at the mother’s day classic for NBCF.

The Brisbane Wheel 

While I may never be a mum doesn’t mean that I can’t celebrate it for my mum; even though she is currently at Kings Canyon.

 

So thank you to my mum for being my mum.  I love you so much and appreciate all the love that you have shown me all my life.  My mum is a beautiful soul inside and out.  While as a teenager I didn’t like the rules and discipline but at least we grew up with it … I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without it.

The CBD from Southbank 

Today we are too busy or too stressed to bring up our children the same way we were brought up. My mum didn’t get her first job as a parent until we were 14 … we all had part time jobs by the time we were 14 and had worked at odd jobs around the neighbourhood. While my nieces think it is beneath them to work the same jobs we do. I shake my head at that one? 

The CBD from Southbank

I must admit I was lucky in that my mum was there when I got home every day from school. Took us to our after school jobs and activities but mind you she dispatched dad to pick us from the school dances.

Brisbane Wheel at Dawn
before the crowds of MDC  

Kept us out of trouble with boys and girlfriends loved us all unconditionally even when we were horrible girls to her. My mum hasn’t had it easy… with a lot of operations due to a horse trampling on her when she was young.  Her constant pain from her mouth and the taunts that also caused but it is funny I never thought of my mum that way.  I just always saw it as part of her and never talked about it as it was just mum.

The CBD from Southbank at Dawn 

So thank you to my mum for being a awesome loving mum even as a army wife and the fact that she had to do a lot of single hand raising along with the continual moving. Although my brothers continual visits to the hospital because of his antics at school and having to deal with dragging us all there on a regular basis.

The CBD from Southbank 

Coming from a family of 6 kids it is hard to compete for the love and the affection needed but my mum was always there with a cuddle and reassurance for us all.

The CBD from Southbank

Even now as a adult she is there reassuring me and loving me although is not too happy about the fact that I want to move to north America. But she is still there loving me and reassuring me that I am valued. Even during some of my dark days during recent times she has comforted me and reassured me. Came home early from one of their extended trips so I could have an operation and stayed here to care and look after me, not once but twice in a fortnight. Not many people will do that.

The CBD from Southbank 

So thank you for being my mum – I love you more than you realise. 

Xoxox one your youngest ! J    

Travelling Shoes - Part 2

Travelling shoes – back from San Francisco with some of my favourite images

Well as you all know I had high expectations for this trip because it was going to be stage 2 of a life change.  Well I worked up until the day before which took a lot of the anxiousness out of the trip.

Getting ready to leave 

My darling sister took me to the airport with her growling at me because I was still getting ready because I had to clean so I was coming home to clean and tidy place.  We got there with plenty of time to spare and even talked the Qantas lady into blocking off the seat beside me.  I have no idea how I managed to pull it off but I did.

Leaving Brisbane  

Travelled across to USA shores and the shoes thought it was funny when the customs man asked where my Tim Tams were....   then made my way to the American airlines terminal and they were very happy to see the Starbucks in the terminal – Starbucks Double Choc Chunk cookie and skinny hot chocolate.. Hello my old friends. My shoes and I were really happy to be back!

Sunrise 

I sat and people watched in the terminal which was so much fun.  I love to people watch and here were all the accents which I love love.  Boarded the plane and promptly fell asleep … my shoes and I were very happy.

Hobart Building along Market Street 

Made my way through the terminal and the shuttle buses to drive into the city although the shoes and I were very disappointed with the weather as it seemed like I had brought the bad weather with me.

Union Square Hearts 

Although leaving my iPhone on the shuttle was not the best idea.  I went for a walk downtown and was almost moping the shoes kept on telling me that it would reappear.  It is funny I was wanting to take my first hydrant shot and realised I didn’t have the iphone so I couldn’t do it but then the shoes reminded me that I had the big camera.  Duh!

San Fran downtown 

We wandered around the city and up the stupid hills – the shoes and I really don’t like hills but carried me lovingly around San Francisco shopping and sightseeing and didn’t like it much when I went to replace them at Merrells.

Napa Waterfront  

They ventured with me as I went adventuring to Napa to meet the wonderful E and took some photographs. I have admired her work for a long time now and glad I finally got to meet her but we mainly just chatted and got to know each other while enjoying the beautiful scenery of the Napa valley.

Napa Waterfront  

They joined me the following day when it was pouring with rain and then making the questionable food choices which ended up changing the whole trip for me.  Damm trying to eat healthy and organically… yes I made healthy food choices and look what happened! 

St Helena

While the company has been nice about the whole thing ...  I am still waiting to see a genuine gesture in terms of the fact that because someone probably didn't thaw the chicken properly and ended up ruining my holiday and badly affected my performance in the course. It is really starting to get to me because I am still suffering from it which apparently according to my doctor and witch doctors is normal given how bad it was.  If they aren't careful I will name and shame! Yes I have my cranky pants on about this...  

Japantown  

They took me so lovingly to the hospital and tried to make sure I didn't throw up again in the taxi along with pondering why I thought throwing up mere hours before was better instead of running to the toilet.  What was I thinking?  So they travelled with me as looking as sexy as anything with my “I love Chocolate” p’js to the hospital.

Presido Yacht Club  

They were so nervous for me walking in to the classroom for the first time and hoping along with me that no one would notice me sneaking in so late.  Also my first tentative steps on the microphone since I had absolutely no voice and thinking I should not have come.

Golden Gate Park 

They lovingly carried me to class the next day when I felt like death warmed up and also the constant running to the toilet.  Along with taking me home to sob on my phone to my mum at lunch.  That day was so tough because all I wanted to do was give up and go home because I just wanted my mummy.  But glad when I dug deep inside and decided to stay and struggle through because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to fly back if I went home now.

K K, Me and S - having fun at Vista Point 

Also the first day on the bus doing the city tour with no voice and me trying not to throw up all over the bus.  Like me were very grateful for the fresh air at Fisherman’s Wharf knowing that I had a nervous afternoon ahead as we did the next stage of the city tour so were happy when I just watched the sea lions and enjoyed the bay breezes.

there is a sign in there 

They lovingly cared for me as the week progressed and still feeling so very sick along with the constant stomach upset. Also me lamenting that I wasn’t getting to bond with anyone because I was too sick every day and I was going back to the hotel room and collapsing.  I felt this was such a valuable thing to do because these people will form the strong network that we all need to love and support each other..

First Foot steps in the snow  

But they were there when I had a minor break down about how sick I still was and along with the fact I had to still study for an exam.  They were there with me as Ted talked me out of leaving and consoled me as a cried about the constant pain and sickness.  I never want to get that sick again so far from home.

Truckee  

They carried me as I freaked and studied madly with S all through lunch the next day in order to at least pass.  They were secretly very happy when I got an A+ with only 2 half questions wrong. Pleased also when I bowed to peer pressure and went out to dinner with everyone else under the illusion of studying for our resume review the following day.  An awesome night and me actually eating my first semi real meal with some vegetable broth and bread.

that is some Snow!    

The next day for the formal photos – hating them as much as me and the fun of the girls taunting me and making me laugh while getting my photo taken.  A little bit of information in certain people’s hands can be very dangerous. I really hate being in front of the camera really hate it...  So S and I headed back to my place so I could get changed from my business attire to much warmer clothing but even then I should have gone warmer...  The shoes along with me froze as soon as we got back downstairs. 

There is a house in there - Lake Tahoe 

They enjoyed the adventure around San Francisco and seeing parts that we had not experienced yet and me eating my first “real” meal at North Beach. They were excited when it seemed to stay in … explored San Francisco, going down Lombard Street enjoying a Sprite with the Commodore of the Presido Yacht club, the bunkers of Marin County, Point Cavallo and so much more.

Snowball fight anyone?  S, Me and R!   

The next day enjoying the city tour a bit better despite still not feeling the best but so glad when I rocked my presentation on the tour and got another A.  Along with the antics on a wall at the Point Vista with the Gals and So happy for the sunshine and actually feeling better. Even brave enough to have a real meal in terms of a hamburger etc but then again when I felt like I wanted to throw up again with about 30 mins so hid on some stairs while the gals shopped. Also pondered with me that I still like I am on the back foot compared with everyone because I have been so sick all week along with not getting all the required readings done. Yes I was freaking myself out.   

Sunrays as we drove back into San Francisco  

Then when we went out adventuring that night and the mischief that we all managed and saw a first experience in with me so what happens in San Fran stays in San Fran. So pleased that I have an awesome night with lots of laughter and bonding with the gals.

Our Awesome Graduation Cake 

Then as the week progressed the constant wheel of studying and getting to know the girls and supporting the girls as we struggled with different aspects of the course. Then as we took ourselves off to adventure to the Sierra Nevada’s with a pit stop at Sacramento. Then with the next presentation which was the most nerve racking one because it was 5 mins without notes.  Also as we travelled through a snow storm and it was so awesome seeing that much snow.

Walking across the amazing Golden Gate  

Along with our pit stop in Truckee because we needed to take the snow chains off and toilet stop was required but so pleased to be happy to be in snow again.

K K, Me and S at Chinatown ... after they had Sake 

They were glad with the chance of real quality snow and potential snowball fight which we finally got with 2 of the gals as we waited for the snow chains to be removed. But they weren’t impressed when the lunch stop made me really sick and I mean really sick. They lovingly cared for the next day as I tried to study with S and the constant running to the toilet.

Palace of Fine Arts  

The shoes were worried when the following night out with the gals when I was supposed to be studying my Irish presentation.  But oh what a night and it was so worth it and every second. Then on the last day together we laughed and giggled as I fluffed my way through my final presentation because I was so tired because of our late night.  Then were sad when I dressed up for graduation and said goodbye to everyone not only because they got left at home but also the fact that I had to say goodbye to some pretty amazing people.

S and Me at Ocean Beach having Fun

The following day they rejoiced with me with the amazing weather and the walk across the golden gate bridge along with the fun we had in Chinatown and the top of the mark at the Intercontential.

Pacific Ocean at Ocean Beach San Francisco 

Took me lovingly to my exit interview and had to say goodbye to everyone again. Then the lazy day wandering around Palace of Fine Arts and  enjoying the amazing view of the Pacific Ocean. They were glad when I talked the gals into going down to the shoreline and dipping my toes in the ocean ….  Albeit just the other side to what they are used to. Then they got teary with me when I had to say goodbye to K K for the final time. Broke my heart to say goodbye so I was dreading saying goodbye to S.  If saying goodbye to K K was so hard I hate to imagine what saying goodbye to S was going to be like.

Alcatraz 

Then the next day feeling so hot and loving every second of Alcatraz with all the history that it brings with it and then enjoying watching the sunset over the bay and golden gate bridge along with final drinks with S it was a fun night.

S at Golden Gate Park and the Cherry Blossoms 

Then saying goodbye to S and then only to have her return back to me mere hours later because her flight was cancelled.  To wander and enjoy the warmth and sunshine at Golden Gate Park together then dinner at that yummy Italian place at North Beach.   But didn’t really enjoy the hot chocolate at the Rome Steps which I have to say the worst I have ever tasted.  I mean bad!.

Muir Woods 

Then saying goodbye to S the following day but it was a very tried me saying goodbye.  Then adventuring around Muir Woods with R and the gals we had an awesome time.  Followed by the yummy dinner at Sausalito then enjoying me driving back into the city across the Golden Gate Bridge.

Hyde Street Pier  

They joined me in moping around the city the following 2 days because I was missing my gals so much. Although not impressed with the new purchase of Merrells although they do take relief that they aren’t waterproof.

TransAmercia Building 

They travelled home with me happy this time to be going home and glad to see my bed and pillow.  Although they aren’t too happy about being in the cupboard because I am still breaking in the new shoes and they are getting worried that I don’t seem happy because of the lack of being able to get a job and constantly follow up for more rejection.   Also the lack of money and turning down the promotion has me concerned but deep down accept that it was the right decision not to take the promotion.

Bye Bye Golden Gate San Francisco 

While I have changed my plans in moving overseas it just might take longer than I planned on because of trying to get work along with even getting a job in Australia.  Absolutely devastated with me when I am getting each rejection especially when the company I really wanted turned me down. I can only hope that the constant following up will help. Because I really want this and I don’t think I can survive in my current role for much longer it is just too demoralising. 

North Beach

Overall to say goodbye to my wonderful new friends, apart from being so sick the whole time, it was one of the hardest things I had to do. It is funny these beautiful smart intelligent women have made me feel so loved and valued. In a lot of ways they have been more supportive of me than my own family and some friends back here. While that makes me feel sad it also shows who your true friends are when the chips are down. My awesome classmates were simply amazing and supportive and took the sick and ill aussie under their wing. Cared for me and showed me sincerity when it was not expected so thank you my wonderful friends it was so very appreciated. I would like to think I have made some truly amazing friends for life.  

Black and white to match the gray day at
Golden Gate Bridge from Presido Yacht club 

I want the new life to start and that is just probably me being impatient but I have been waiting for 6 months since I made the decision.  It has been tough to be home but still hoping and praying that they will get to travel back with me overseas again.

the 4 of us ...  I miss them every day  

Day 31 - Holocaust Museum in Washington DC

Because there were no photos allowed in the Museum I have included photos from the walk there and back as well as the extra images from the City tour.  

Arlington Cemetery 

I got off the bus to a good luck from Christina because she knew where I was going … gulp … but I think it is a good thing. Steve laughing at my change in attire… he is such a boy and has no idea about needing to be comfortable in this weather.

Smithsonian Castle Rose Garden

Popped on my ipod for the first time this trip since I had such a walk ahead of me alone and ventured off down the mall but decided that I was hungry so stopped at the carousel and had a sandwich and then enjoyed watching the kids delight in the ride. I love the happiness and the laughter.

Smithsonian Castle  

I then walked through the grounds of the Smithsonian castle which were with rose gardens and bubbles. I also used this time for a toilet stop and grabbing a map.  The way to the Holocaust museum is lined with office buildings which are dedicated to a lot of public servants and some of the buildings look really old.

Smithsonian Castle  

I finally made it to the museum and through security ….  Which the line was looonnnggggg.  The place is massive and first thing you are warned about is no photos … so camera went away and then you are given a little pamphlet with a prisoner number and then their story and you are taken to the top of the building where the story begins.

Smithsonian Castle  

I have studied this war extensively because of school and even read the third Reich, Diary of Anne Frank but nothing fully prepares you for this … the shear volumes of dead and lost people.  The propaganda and how they orchestrated the whole production slams you hard. It was very hard to take. 

Smithsonian Castle 

The displays were simply amazing and done in a very honest real fashion. The initial part of the display was about how the war started and how they were portraying it to the rest of the world.  Also how initially they shipped the Jewish population out as refugees but then countries like Britain, Australia and then finally USA didn’t want to deal with the “race issue” so they wouldn’t take any more effectively condemning them to death. You had to prove that you had relatives in those countries otherwise you were being shipped off to camps or segregated into various neighbourhoods.

Washington Monument - the amazing blue skies  

While Hitler wanted the pure race he saw the Jews as the primary issue in the discord within the society because they ran a lot of the businesses within the cities.  This became evident when they had to rebuild because there was no one to work in the rebuilt stores.

Washington DC in the public service precinct  

They not only killed the Jewish people, but disabled, frail, homosexuals, freemasons, Jehovah’s Witnesses and then the gypsies…. the sheer numbers took my breathe away along with the ambivalence  of the people to where these people were disappearing too. As well as the countries who were ignoring it including Australia. How did they get away with killing over 6 million people?  It truly broke my heart.

Looking out from the Kennedy memorial to Washington DC 

As I wandered through at the gut wrenching displays and me regretting eating lunch because I was truly sick to my stomach. Then I got to the shoe display… for those who don’t know it is a combination of the shoes taken from Auschwitz along with the photo of the museum there. It slammed me…  I had to take a moment to sit and reflect.

Teddy Kennedy Graveside to Cusistis House  

Here sitting there looking at the displays and the people moving through the display was surprisingly a major turning point for me. It took all my strength not to sob right there and then.

Lincoln Memorial

I still can’t believe that people treat people that like and so complacent with a human’s life … but then again was I much better? In my darkest moments over the past year hadn’t I thought that my pain would stop if I was no longer here? What right did I have to be so cavalier with my life when these human beings had been through worse than I would ever fathom and hopefully never see in my lifetime?

Selfish = Me

I needed to remember to be grateful for my life and everything that I have been given… while it is a incredibly lonely life it is still valuable and remember to not only treat myself with respect but those around me no matter how badly they treat me.

Abraham in his 28ft Chair   

I saw myself as selfish and a coward and needed to stop having those sorts of thoughts and deal with my problems more honestly. Selfish selfish selfish = Me

Vietnam Veterans War Memorial 

I have to remember what they went through to survive and to value my life and those around me. I need to remind myself every day that I hold value somewhere in this world along to remember in my darkest moments that I am valuable to people.

the nurses at the Vietnam Veteran War Memorial 

It is interesting because I am writing this at least 6 months after this happened and I can honestly say I am doing better and remind myself to do this on almost a daily basis while some days are harder than others.  It seems to be working…but I still have my dark days …just not as frequent or acute. But when it comes to holding value to people it is interesting because people who I thought were a huge part of my life haven’t proven themselves to be such a massive part as I once thought and people who I thought weren’t;  have proven of more value to me.

Vietnam Veterans War Memorial

I made some pretty amazing friends in the USA on both trips and the last one especially I have 3 amazing women change my life in interesting ways, force me from my comfort zone, show me unconditional love and how much I mean to them every single day. It is funny because I have known these people in such a short period of time but I miss them more than anything in this world.  I never expected that at all and they do the same for me… they check in nearly every day show me that I am loved and cared about so much.  I show them that in return … even though don’t answer for a few days… the message still goes out…  so thank you my lovely’s you have helped me grow and feel of value and it takes some pretty incredible people to do that.

At the White House - well the park opposite 

As I finished in the display – barely holding in the tears I walked past a wall of photos of victims of the war and it struck you how everyday they were while sure there were the gypsies but they were human and ordinary people just like the rest of us and they were just born into a religion or way of life.  How fair is it to choose whether a person will die based on these factors?

Smithsonian Castle  

The shocking thing the genocide across the world still continues with Darfur, Khmer Rouge, Taliban, Zimbabwe etc and we still let it happen because of economic reasons.

Washington Monument  

I headed back to the bus because it was almost pick up time…  however I sobbed the whole way back … it finally all came out…  finally!  It was actually an interesting moment….  The thoughts that went through my head and what those people went through.

Arlington Cemetery 

I encourage all families to talk about this with their teenagers better yet watch schindlers list or diary of Anne frank and then the teenager still tell you that they are hard done by.  The selfishness of our lives today is because of the sacrifice of these 6 million odd people.  It saddens me to hear my niece tell her mum (my twin) how much she hates her and that she is so hard done by. I want to take her there and then hear her tell me that she is hard done by.  If she does well I will take her through again until she realises how lucky she is and lives where she lives. Myself included … be more grateful for my life and what I have in my life.  Not only from my family, friends but the fact I am free and have a home and not threatened because I am of a particular race or religion.

Public Service Precinct  

I finally made it back to the bus and Christina seemed to know straight away that something was wrong.  She asked if I was ok and I could barely smile without sobbing.  I just kept my sunnies on and head down as I headed to the back of the bus. I just hid my face from everyone and cried my silent tears all the way back. I didn’t want to distress anyone but the rif raf knew because I barely said 2 words to them as we headed out.  Christina came down to check on me to make sure I was ok and she said we would talk about it and just take as much time I needed when we got to the hotel to compose myself.

Across the Mall to the Museum of American History 

When we got there I waited for everyone to leave and got my extra bag off and I think Steve knew something was wrong but was too scared to ask.  I saw Christina when I got into the foyer and she gave me a hug and sent me to my room … so to speak and would see me in an hour so we could go to dinner.

at the back of the Smithsonian Castle 

So I busied myself with unpacking and repacking and hopped in the shower and went downstairs to meet Christina and we headed off downtown. Both of us guards down and talking about our lives and why I think it hit me so hard. Also me lamenting that it was exactly a month until I headed back to work and the thought was making feel physically ill. I didn’t want to do it anymore and it showed but I was hoping that since I had changed that things might be better. 

White house with some accidental sunflare  

Her trying to encourage me to change my life….  Here was this wonderfully beautiful woman trying to tell someone who is significantly older than her to change their life. She did say something interesting that night and that is that she would feel comfortable turning her tour over to me. That I should consider this as a career and that would have required me to push myself out of my comfort zone and I said no along with every excuse under the sun.

White House 

But the cogs were turning…  So over this very delicious meal at O’Connell’s pub along the streets of Alexandria this beautiful woman helped me change my life. So thank you Christina for making the time to get to know me and understand me where I am coming from…. Then the drinking started …

outside of the Smithsonian Castle

3 or 4 vodkas later I don’t know but they were strong buggers… I think the waiter told the bar staff we needed some strong ones…  We talked and laughed and cried together… She was undergoing major life changes so I think it was good that we got to do it together…

The Mall in Washington  

After a very yummy meal we went to find dessert and had no luck... There was lots of laughter and silliness that night and some we found some very yummy ice creams.  I still remember the orange crème flavoured along with mint…  she tried to show me the awesome glass player that plays in the building right near the river but he had already packed up… it is worth a look if you are there because she had taped it last time on her iPhone.

Old Town Alexandria  

We headed back to the hotel and her reminding me to ponder what we talked about and I headed back to the room to unpack… I needed a hug that night and missed my parents like anything so I sent a message to my sister to get them to call me and crawled into bed. See me and vodka don’t work when I am by myself … I just fall asleep. So they rang but I was too tired so I told them I would talk to them when I got back to New York…  but still 30mins later I was awake so I messaged her and got them to call me again… she thought I was made.  So caught up with the parents and it was almost good as a hug.

Old Town Alexandria  

Fell asleep pondering the weight that didn’t seem to be there anymore… except for one … work…