Break a heart badly enough and
it might never recover…
(Dawson’s creek)
As I go I am going to share some of my fav. photos since I started this blog 2 years ago...
I
want to set the record straight because quite frankly I am a bit over the whole judgmental “Oh you are single at your age”… comments and looks I am sick of
getting… NOTHING wrong with being single…
I see so many of my friends bitching and moaning about husbands and kids
on FB and to me … and well this is why …
I
have had my heart broken in many ways in the past few years … some more
memorable than others…. Whether it has
been by a male, or friends, jobs etc, you get the idea.
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| New Farm Park on winters afternoon and I was wearing flip flops |
This
weekend I have had a weekend of mourning the loss of a ultimate career goal for
me… While I am sure there is a very good
reason but still … it has me going what did I do wrong... What did I say wrong… the self-doubts I have
worked so very hard to push to the back have resurfaced. I wanted this to happen so badly and it
really pushed me outside my comfort zones… which I will write about soon.
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| Columbia Icefields - Alberta Canada |
But
I want to clarify about my single status… sure there are times when I have
really missed having someone in my life.
But my life is full and I have worked so very hard to keep myself busy
doing things I enjoy.
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| Niagara Falls night show |
I
have not been fortunate to meet that special someone… YET! I thought I did... 3 years ago almost 4 years I really thought I
had. I have never spoken publicly about
what happened. I kept my feelings buried
for a long time… and there was an interesting counselling session last year where
it all came out.
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| Top of the Rock - NYC - right before our date :) |
But
I am going to say my piece right now…
and I hope it explains a lot … how
can someone who claimed to love to me so completely one minute to completely
turn on me and not love me or talk to me again.
This is one thing I never understood… especially to be dating one month
after the break up. He went from being
my everything … to nothing… How do you
deal with such loss? I told him not to
get involved with me and not to break my heart … and he wouldn't listen…then He walked away without so much as a backward
glance and digging his heel into my shattered heart and grinding into fine sand
as he went.
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| Only photo I really love .. I got really good at the selfies whilst travelling |
You are weak, you have an ego that makes you think you are better
than the rest of us and is seriously damaging your psyche and you need to pull
that seriously big stick out of your butt!!!!!
You are wound tighter than an elastic band about portraying the right
image, making sure you look good… you know what? People don’t care… they are so caught up in
their own lives they don’t care about how your girlfriend talks, walks, looks…
get over yourself!!!!!!!! I really learnt a valuable lesson in that
relationship… Listen to your reservations;
walk away when you have just too many questions. I will never let myself get so destroyed
again.
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| Lost from last year - it is hard to believe it has been a year since the most wonderful girls have entered by life |
I
have dated since sure… I have enjoyed it
but I listened to myself and realised it wasn't going to go anywhere. Oh and for the record he was hot and black
and Jamaican with the sexiest voice known to man!
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| Noho - right where we met .. :) |
Career
wise… I am fed up jumping from job to
job… especially after what happened 2 years ago… While I am glad to be away
from the bitching and the backstabbing (yes missy I know all about what you say
about me behind my back – give it up I don’t talk about you and really
seriously GET OVER it, It has been 2 years…) to be failed by someone who
claimed to be an astute businessman, how did you lose touch so badly with the
business? And still do to this day …
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| Brisbane - how I love thee |
I
want to do my chosen career more often… it makes me really happy!!! And I love
it and while yes it is hard in these economic time but I am sick of being
overlooked because I look too young etc etc..
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| Sunflare happiness |
In
terms of friends… through everything I have battled through I have done it
pretty much alone… I miss some them sure
especially one of them … they know who they are … and probably will never read
this… but still I have my memories like an interesting afternoon in the Nerang River
near natural bridge … went past the other day and man it made me smile. I have forgotten about that afternoon until
last Tuesday and they have been on my mind ever since. Wondering how their married life is treating them… I hope they are well and every happiness in
the world …they were my best friend for well over 20 years … they are the one
person who truly knows me … I miss
having them there …
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| Balloon fun |
But
once when someone who kept on breaking my heart the many times that he did … said to me … “you are stronger than you know”… I don’t know how I have made it through some
pretty dark days… but I did … I am
stronger than I realise and if the last few months haven’t taught me that
nothing will. Too much physical pain
will do that to a gal.
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| Balloon Fun |
So
in conclusion to my little rant… “Only
exceptional guys need apply”… My friends always look at me funny when they tell
they have the perfect guy for me … and I reply with “is he exceptional?” …. And Canadian!
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| my favourite image ... Peyto lake Alberta Canada |
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