Major freak out happening

Major freak out ahead.

Some of you may have noticed the posts are getting less and less.  I think I am freaking out…  I am feeling very overwhelmed with the mere thought of having to pack up my life and saying to goodbye to everyone.

I cried all the way home when I said goodbye to mum and dad last weekend because I don’t they realise that I won’t be here when they get back. But did I do that unnecessarily?  Because I am feeling like it is not going to happen. 

I just spend the day with sister on Saturday cleaning out my closest and if it took all day to do that we are in trouble.  What if I don’t get it all sold and sorted as because i really need the money. 

After the car troubles, rego due, having wisdom teeth removed, with a potential broken washing machine along with losing the job it has been tough financially so I need to sell as much as I can before I go so I can pay my bills while I am away while still be able to enjoy San Francisco. 

Being a consultant means I don’t get paid for the time off so things are getting tighter around here.  Also the fact that work really wants me to stay and that is hard to say no to it.  But I don’t want to do that job forever.  While I enjoy it I also find it really frustrating dealing with other peoples cavalier attitudes.

So all in all I am feeling like it isn’t going to happen, the delicate balancing act is feeling like it is toppling.  I am not going to get a job over there or for the company I want because I want it too much. With everyone wanting me to stay will I give in when it comes to the crunch?  Will I miss my sisters too much while I am trying to spend as much time with them as I can before I leave? 

Will I be able to overcome my own insecurities and be able to do this job?  Will I be able to able apply myself enough to do it.  ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHH 


I have managed to keep the demons at bay for a while now and I am feeling like if I let it happen it will take over again...  

Deep breath in and stop the freak out… hopefully maybe…