Week 11 | Dark

I have struggled with this word … mainly because of the connotations of what it can represent.  It has taken me weeks to write this post to the point where I am officially behind now by 2 weeks - so please accept my apologies.  

Dark can represent so many things…  Dark as in night time, dark as in lost, dark as in mood, dark as in music, dark as in personality.

For me it represents a couple of things from my favourite type of photography.  Night time photography is definitely a love but I don’t get to do it a lot.  But also, Dark as in my favourite type of clothes, the most slimming, dark as in my mood for a long time.

Home - from New Farm cliffs 

I feel like I am finally emerging from this dark period.  Those of you who have been paying attention on facebook would know that things have been well busy as.  No time for play.  But finally settled into a new job, been doing some tours and actually making money from them which is a huge bonus which helped me catch up on the unpaid bills while unemployed and the new ipad.    

The other possible home  - Canada - Niagara Falls by night 

I love being a tour director and it is my passion, my love, my drive.  I am also enjoying my new full time (real) job which has surprised me they are pushing me in a way I haven’t done for years.  I am loving it – it is definitely requiring some out of the box thinking on my behalf but I think I am living up to expectations which is great. 

The other possible home  - Canada - Niagara Falls by night 

So it will be balance between the real job and the fantasy job.  I love being a tour director but there just is not enough work here in Brisvegas to keep me sustained.  But I am making some good connections.

The other possible home  - Canada - Niagara Falls by night 

I am finally coming out of the period of darkness thanks to some medicinal help – yes I finally gave into it. But I needed sleep seriously a lot of sleep so it has been great to sleep through the night again. But the past 2 weeks not so great I think because I am worrying about money, life, work and general again.  So I am just working on switching that off. 

Southbank - Brisbane - Christmas time 

I am on the homeward stretch towards finding about on green card … On Monday it will be officially a month to go.  So I need to know that I can cope by myself without support in another country. So I am working on getting myself from the dark light to the happy sunshine again. It has been a long time since I have been there and want to again. 

Brisvegas - Home 

I have had a lot thrown at me in recent years and I have had to deal with it by myself.  At times it has absolutely crippled me because of the weight of despair and unable to crawl back.  Having limited family support and close friends – someone to open up to and be there for me.  To know when I am sinking again but those people have come from a number of different places in the past year where I least expected it. 

Brisbane - from Kangaroo Point Cliff Base 

 I have turned a corner in the way I look at things while there are still some things I am still not ready for like dating and falling in love again.  I am still not sure I will be strong enough.  My mindset was he was my last great love he was the “one” but it was not meant to be.  So I think my mindset is that if he can give up so easily on me then I will just get hurt again.  Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to go back there to him but I think he just did me in.  It all got too hard and I have learnt to only rely on myself. 

Hello another home - NYC - Top of the Rock 

They know who they are so thank you my wonderful girls, and my wonderful friends that were made this time last year in San Francisco.  I honestly do not know where I would be without you – honestly and truly you are my rocks, my tethers my support system my cheer squad.  It is surprising how quickly they have all become that and been there when I least expected it.  They helped pull me out of the dark and build my inner strength back up to the fact I am smiling and happy again. 

Hello another home - NYC - Brooklyn Bridge looking to Manhattan 

The ache for missing the USA family is not as acute because of the tablets which have helped me focus on what I needed to do here to pull myself back. But I keep on reminding myself to stay positive and be back with them by the end of the yearJ. So positive thoughts into the universe that the lottery goes in my favour.

Hello another home - NYC - Top of the Rock 

I am working out again consistently 2-3 times a week … with my old boxing partner and it is funny how we know each other’s rhythms and strengths without even speaking.  We are both pushing ourselves – I am boxing as hard as I did before I hurt my shoulders and got sick.  So thank you M x you rock!  In so many ways I appreciate it. 

Brisbane from Kangaroo Point Cliffs 

So dark is something I will always battle with … but the depths will depend on me and hopefully won’t ever go back there again.  I am so very grateful for the love and support that I have seen from my wonderful new friends in the past 6 months.  

Riverfire - Sept 2010  we like to blow up bridges in the name of fireworks 

You have pushed me to look at life differently, pushed me creatively and been there for me especially during the course when all wanted to do was give up because I felt like I wasn't worthy.  So dark go away and don’t come back J

Kangaroo Point Cliffs 

Week 10 | Freedom

This one comes at perfect timing… I have just spent the past few weeks enjoying the freedom that comes with not working…  Trying new jobs out …  now if I can just get some money rolling in. 

The other side of the pacific - with stacy in my jkt because she was cold 

This photo wasn’t actually taken by me … but it was set up by me and that is crazy me on the right. It was week 3 of my trip and it was a perfect day. Recovering from our hangovers from the night before. (some more than others) and I wanted to put my feet in the other side of the pacific. While the Americans thought it was nuts given that it was like 10 degrees … this aussie thought it was very normal. 

Ocean Beach 

The freedom is from being back in the states and being the other side of me.  The freedom of opening myself up to a new career away from society considers to be normal.

At the cliff House 

The freedom of being on the road and getting to set my schedule along with truly loving what I am doing.  While I am still trying to make it happen call it stubborn because things have definitely not gone to plan. While I am still at odds if doing ITMI was the best idea for my redundancy but the friends I made were worth EVERY single dollar.  The lack of support and follow up has really disappointed me given the investment I made. 

Because Stacy was missing her horse so much
she had to ride the horse inspired driftwood

But I am glad I have preserved with it and making great contacts.  I love it and really enjoying the experiences I have had showing my guests my city.  

Week 9 | Daydream

I really wanted to use a photo from my trip but I had to push myself to find something.  So I went off and organised me some bubbles. The reason why I choose bubbles you may ask..  well they are carefree, they float as they want …  when you daydream it is always shown in thought bubbles so why not use them to illustrate Daydream. Do you know hard it is to capture bubbles by yourself!  One finger on the shutter and blowing the bubbles in the other .. 

I want that … I want to be less confined by what society calls normal. I want to travel the world and get to know other cultures and enjoy meeting amazing people. 

I love being a tour director and I want to do it full time.  But work calls and the need to keep the money coming in.  sigh I wish I was at the amazing lakes of Canada.